We have a special little "project" happening and growing in ma' belly! It's pretty obvious from the images below, but yes, we are expecting!!!
Here's what we know so far:
- Loves to move
- Able to suck his thumb (that was CRAZY to see on the ultrasound!)
- Due May 8
- Name TBD
Our announcement on social media and this blog is so late (I'm 20 weeks) because
1) we're busy people who happen to be a little lazy,
2) we tend not to put personal things online, and
3) we had a miscarriage last spring and wanted to take things one day at a time (more on that below.)
Being pregnant is awesome but such a strange experience. I cannot believe how quickly time has gone. It seems like yesterday that we first spotted that little nugget on the 8-week ultrasound. It's only been one week since the 20-week ultrasound, yet it feels like it happened just hours ago. The speed at which these little creations grow is mind boggling. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, but I keep making a parallel in my mind between our son (feels so weird to say that!) and Dart from Stranger Things, Season 2. Dart, Dustin's Demodog, grew super quickly, as is our baby.
See how the ratios of size resemble each other? Now hopefully our baby won't have the urge to eat people's guts like demogorgons do. So far, so good.
I do want to say that it's a very joyful but hard thing for me to make this pregnancy announcement. It took us 1.5 years to get pregnant the first time, and I struggled so much with jealousy, fear, and discouragement while we were trying because a lot of our friends were getting pregnant, and then getting pregnant again. My heart would feel happy for our friends yet the sting of bitterness felt so real when another baby announcement would pop up on my feed. When we finally got pregnant last January, we found out early on that it wasn't viable. I had a blighted ovum, which is an implanted egg without an embryo inside. My grief felt so unjustified because it was just an empty shell, not even a baby. What's worse is that it took 4 months for the miscarriage to carry out, while it takes most women about 2-3 weeks. We are so, so grateful for this baby, and I wonder if we would even be able to feel the depth of this amazing gift without having a miscarriage first.
I know I'm not the first to speak up about struggles with infertility, but if you or someone you know is struggling with it, please know that so many women and couples stand with you. There's not much I could say to make things better, but I do want to say that one thing that hurt more than helped was putting so much pressure on myself to get pregnant and to put on a happy face when I just felt discouraged and sad (and a lot of times, selfish.) I constantly compared myself to women who happened to be very fertile, and I wondered what was wrong with me. Please don't do that to yourself. There is nothing wrong with you or your body, and as hard as this may be, this is part of God's story for you. He IS going to make all things new and right! You are loved and important. Happy holidays, merry Christmas, and peace and love to you!